I am so deeply unhappy all the time because of the drama at school. I can't handle being around people who are fighting. Even people in Wal-mart bickering makes me uncomfortable.
This is a cruel form of torture. My school family is being ripped apart. Every time I think about it I feel like I am about to vomit. I could never handle things like this, it has to do with stuff that happened along time ago but now I feel almost PTSD when this happens. I can't breathe, I can't stand up on my own, I try to be strong and I sound like an idiot.
I want so badly to go back to my flower-child ways, doing as I please just enjoying life. But I can't knowing so many people I care about are hurting, which makes me hurt inside. Then it hurts more when I realize there is nothing I can do because I just can't think about this with out having a nervous break down, which causes me to feel like an awful friend which makes it worse so all this stress in manifested upon me hating myself, and other issues i have which makes me irate which makes me snap at Justin the only person who even slightly understands how the void of my mind works. Which makes me even more depressed.
College college, come take me away! The good life ain't so good any more.
Maybe we will all become yuppies in a few years, do yoga and drink caffeine free herbal tea and this will all be a distant night mare of the past.
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2 comments:
It's sad isn't it. I want to help also, but I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells by trying not to say the wrong thing or make the wrong move. Sometimes when I walk into a classroom, I feel so much fear about what could happen, what happen the moment before, how am I going to try to calm this person, if even I have the right to try to calm the person, how should I act, etc. It is awful and I just want it to go away as much as anybody else.
http://www.pbs.org/newshour/essays/july-dec05/rodriguez_11-14.html
read this it's pretty interesting.
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